Uma's birth story - a HBAC

I’ve always enjoyed reading birth stories. I turned to Spiritual Midwifery, Heart and Hands and A Child is Born when I needed inspiration or intrigue--some proof that nature exists and can not be nullified--testing my own reactions to the descriptive photos of women in the squatting position, hands on their babies heads. I stole away my mothers copies of these books and kept them in my library. Even before I knew I wanted to be a mother I knew I wanted to give birth. I sensed that there was something in the experience that I needed, that it was a curative process for a woman, that it was a way of being granted audience with some mystery. My uterus is heart shaped with horns, bicorniated, with two separate but connected chambers, this only presents a problem in some pregnancies, and in the gestation of my first child offered him little space to maneuver out of his sitting frank breach presentation. We had an external version, spent weeks in Chinatown with Dr. Huo, did countless pelvic tilts-- but prayers, tinctures and teas did not turn the boy and at 38 weeks he was delivered by c-section. I feel in love with Ezekiel immediately, enjoyed a great start to breast feeding and recovered quickly. We were out of the hospital in a few days and though I was depleted and cold, I remember that time as holy. His strong spirit and beautiful face enchanted us. That said, I felt the effects of the lack of privacy, lack of personal power and the medication deeply, and was resolved to change the way my next child came into the world. I felt that something had been done to me and I wished I had travelled to Tennessee to The Farm. I will never know if this cesarian was medically necessary, if it was defensive medicine or life saving intervention.Here is the story of how our second child, Uma was born.I had done a lot of research about VBAC and was confident that statistics indicated that I would be a great candidate. I knew that if I chose a hospital as my birthing place I would be opening us up to a series of interventions that often cascade into an unnecessary c-section. I did not want an internal fetal monitor to be our daughters first touch, I was terrified of pitocin and knew that there would be rigid time restraints on labor. What if it took more than 12 hours? What if I stalled at 4cm’s because I didn’t have the privacy I needed? I wanted the baby to initiate the birthing process. I wanted the benefit of free movement, food and water and intimacy. We wanted a home birth but didn’t want to get too attached to the idea until we met the right midwife and had confirmation that this baby was in a vertex position. When I met Miriam Schwartzchild ,I knew I wanted her to attend the birth. She had been midwife to several friends and had caught over 1300 babies at home in NYC. Miriam is known as “the midwives midwife”. She was smart and confident and conscious, a great listener and had total faith in my ability to birth this baby. It looked like we were going to get a shot at a family centered home birth. We borrowed a birthing tub from a friend, gathered old towels, sump pumps and shower curtains. We made little lanterns for the birth with Nina and Felicia and put together a playlist of Sanskrit chants and special songs. Ezekiel attended a sibling preparation class and we did a lot of imagining about the approaching event. Rishi was calm and confident and Ezekiel was excited to become a brother and insistent that she be born into water so that she would just “float out”. He also spoke about kissing while I was “doing birth”. We talked about the mystery of birth and being open to it unfolding in its own way. I was a little concerned that we all had unrealistic expectations. We had been expecting her around Christmas, though her due date was not until the 10th of January we assumed she would arrive at or before Ezekiels gestational week. This was wishful thinking. For weeks it seemed that labor was immanent, contractions would start and peter out most evenings. Our good friend Josello gifted me with several long and good acupuncture sessions to move the energy around. I didn’t want to be post date, didn’t want to go to the hospital for non-stress tests or cook too big of a baby. I had read that VBAC’s (vaginal birth after cesarian) were most successful between the 37th and 40th week. Our pregnancy was wonderful, I practiced Ashtanga yoga for the first several months and then Kundalini yoga with Gurmukh and was able to complete two teacher certification programs. I chanted, meditated and studied Hinduism and Vedanta at Columbia. As her due date came and went I lost a little faith that this was going to happen at all. I told my midwife that I felt like her hand was reaching into my cervix, little did I know how correct that was.On Thursday, Jan. 15 Nancy Zutshi and I cleaned out my cupboard and refrigerator and decided to go to the co-op. I wanted to make Chicken soup to freeze and needed to get out of the house. When we got to the co-op I ran into every person I had ever known and they were all surprised I hadn’t had our baby. I felt too much pressure to have this baby, friends were calling and my father was a wreck. I started to notice that the menstrual-like cramps I was experiencing were not going away. I had a restless back ache and a feeling that if I made this soup and drank a bowl, the baby would come. My parents joined us for dinner, Rishi was at work, had been working till early in the am for several days. Zeke announced that his baby sister was going to born before I really let anyone in on my suspicions. After dinner I wanted to be alone to pay attention to what was happening. Rushes were coming every 12 minutes and lasting about 30 seconds, then every 10 minutes and lasting about 40 seconds. I lost my mucus plug and texted R to think about wrapping stuff up at work, I just wanted him nearby. At 11 p.m. I called Miriam to let her know that I was fine, but definitely laboring. She advised me to get some sleep. I didn’t. The sensations were too intense and too fascinating. I didn’t want to miss anything. When the sun came up on Friday I was happy R had gotten some sleep because I was going to need his attention and support. Friday was spent in bed with rushes accumulating. It never occurred to me that labor had gone on too long. I let our Doula know that we were fine. My parents came over and spent the day with Zeke and Nancy, they made a trip to the toy store and returned with an embarrassing loot. Our strategy with Zeke was to spoil the pants off of him through this transition. His grandparents were happy to oblige. Swords, clothing, costumes, blocks, wings, books all appeared. He was in good hands. I stayed in a period of contractions coming 4 minutes apart and lasting for a full minute until Zeke and Nancy fell asleep. Once they were asleep the house changed, everything changed. Rishi lit a fire and all our candles. I got on to the birth ball and started moving with the rushes. I was ready to get serious. I stopped talking and focused on the fire. Our girl was getting low and I matched her with my vocal tones. Between contractions I was able to rest completely. I was enjoying Rishi and feeling a lot of love for him, I felt safe and supported and didn’t want to call Megan the Doula or Miriam till their presence was essential. At 10 p.m. we suspected that things were progressing at a faster pace and invited Megan to join us. When she arrived with bundles of firewood I had some bloody show and slipped into a very active and deep place. She and Rishi got the tub ready upstairs. I wanted to stay upright and didn’t want to get into the tub too soon, wanted to move forward rather than rest. It had been a long time since labor began. I felt strangely energized and very focused,I was enjoying myself. Megan was discrete and helpful and it was essential to me that she had been to this place before. I let her know that I wanted her to determine when to call the midwife. She got me upstairs into our bedroom, the house smelled of wood fire and bees wax. The stairs moved her down deeper into my pelvis. I got into the bath. I had never anticipated how this would feel. It was pure pleasure and absolutely perfect timing. Miriam was called, and arrived minutes later with a kiss and some serious work getting everything ready. I was in another place. The roof could have blown off and a sky full of stars could have appeared. I could have been in the black sea. The other people in the house could have been sea otters or whales. Transition was fast and real and intense. I hadn’t been internally checked by Miriam in my pregnancy and she didn’t feel the need now. She monitored the baby who was doing well. Then I felt a pop and my water broke. Then I felt the strangest most unfamiliar sensation--the fetal ejection reflex--so powerful and organic and productive. She was being pushed out of me, I just had to yield and consent. Rishi got into the tub behind me and felt wonderful there. Miriam asked me to reach inside and feel for the babies head, which I did. It didn’t feel smooth. It was her hand. The same hand I had felt for weeks on my cervix. I got up from R’s lap and felt her crowning. Several pushes later and I reached down into the water and pulled her up to my breast. The cord was still pulsing and she didn’t cry at all. She didn’t need to, there was no emergency, no crisis, only peace and love and mystery. When I looked up Ezekiel was there. Our family was granted entrance into some mysterious perfectly ordered place. We were in the light and we were held and we were safe and we were warm. Nature is perfect.Welcome Uma. Thank you sweet girl. I love you.Jan 17th at 3:02